When you read the title I am pretty sure the first thought that comes to your mind must be, "Pooh, its just another post about all the famous international players and a dream team". I would partially agree to that, it is surely a dream team but it consists not of the international players. It is comprised of a small group of amateurs who called themselves
Main Main Log United (the 'united' is just to please 2 kaptis)
This team had its own share of Messis and Ronaldos who were nicknamed Massi and Bhosadaldo for their skills. While one was a defender, the other was the striker. What characterized them as great players was their dedication to the game, while one broke his hand while trying to execute a difficult manoeuvre which even the great Messi fears to do, the other played an entire game while he was ill with a terrible illness ( read loose motions). I m pretty sure he never used those underpants ever again.
We even had our own Gianluigi Buffon, an expert goalkeeper and an even brilliant engineer. The only problem was that the rest of the team wasn't sure whether he was playing for them or the opposition due to some controversial hand movements which led to the opposition scoring almost in every match. Why I mentioned him being an engineer was that he had a unique ability, he could lock his knee at one place and stay that way.
Lets talk about our star striker, an experienced ( by that I mean old....really old...he outlived his pet turtle) and surprisingly agile Wayne Rooney fan. He was the one who opened the goal account of the team that too against one of the strongest oppositions, though not much later he had to retire from the sport due to family commitments and well.......age.
Our midfielders were the real stars of our team, the sprinters, expert ball controllers, thigh bone breakers.....you name it, they had done it.
The Harry Potter lookalike, love-troubled white boy who sprinted like Milkha Singh and ensured he was omnipotent on the ground.
The tall lanky (not anymore)left-winger, Mr. Maan who technically was among the top 3 players in the team whose undying devotion to the game saw him break his leg, get operated for hernia and made him experience how to use crutches (which landed him the highest paid job from amongst the team, though he would never accept it, if you don't believe me ask babua)
We then come to Mr. Babua, the anti-love, six pack, sad hits superstar who managed to convert all his anger for his ex to the game and made scintillating displays, he even doubled up as a goalkeeper when our Buffon lost the key to his knee and it stayed locked.
Lets not forget our own Ryan Giggs, his sole focus was the ball so much so that he would refuse to recognize his own teammates at night to the point of asking, "Who are you?" while pointing a torch at their faces.
Finally the star midfielder, 'The Sin' who managed to get people off their seats with his tricks/antics and skills and managed to survive a murder attempt on him when 'the earth' tried to hit a iron made volleyball post on his head.
The entire team knows that the team wouldn't be this good had it not been for their defenders who, lets face it, touched the ball more than the rest of the team because of the superb passing amongst themselves. Who did you think taught Pep Guardiola all that stuff? The defenders manage to frustrate the opposition and well, their own team by keeping the ball in their own half for most of the game.
The right side of the defense was held by Massi who mesmerized the other team with his exquisite jogging style and ball clearance.
We had Mr. TigerTurn in the center, who was the backbone of the defensive lineup, who laughs like a tiger's roar and who with his brute physical strength used to terrorize the strikers. If he didn't get to hit the ball, he would surely make it up by hitting the players shin and add an abuse to it.
We also had the other 'superstar actor-dancer-duet singer-director-nose rubber' tall center back whose throw was so great that he used to take the free-kicks and goal kicks using his hand. This talent of his made him a celebrity in the local football leagues.
The substitutes who really made up during the loss of our regular players deserve an applause.
We have 'Mr. Father of the Nation' whose undying spirit on and off the field was well appreciated, especially for the photographs and videos which made us review the oppositions strategy and our own on tape.
We have our own national 'Golf Champion-bike rider- chocolate fingered boy' whose calm demeanour fooled the other team when he knocked out their star striker with a foot to his gut. He took immediate retirement from the game as the ring which kept him calm was lost during that game.
Our south Indian Anna charmed everyone with his ability to run in straight lines without any consideration for the goal post.
As for me, I would just say
I had the privilege to captain the "World's Best Football Team"
No I am not talking about Taylor Swift's song.
This is the real love story of an average male...in a few words  I like to write a rhyme,
I know it ain't a crime,
you just choose the right words,
or the appropriate curse,
then you send it to a girl,
thinking it would mean the world,
she sends back a lol,
you interpret it as "lots of love",
you finally think it done,
but she's just having fun,
you think she loves you as a whole,
but in reality all she really thinks is,
what an asshole !!!
End of story...
Next day morning, same story...different girl
You may have surely come across several travel blogs where people write about their experience as they travel to different places. Although I appreciate what they do and for their insights on all the locations what really bothers me is how do they manage to travel so often?
I m pretty sure you too would've wanted to write about your experiences and share your photos and then it would strike your mind (very cruelly I imagine) that you don't have the luxury to do that simply because you can't afford to. Yes, you don't have money, neither do I (the day you see me posting photos of exotic locations just take the hint that I have become successful.........and rich)
But the good news is travel blogs do pay, trust me I googled it. But it requires a lot of patience, love for travelling and a knack for sharing your experiences digitally.The way to get readers attention is to post experiences about locations which haven't been done before or strange unorthodox locations. The only way I'll be doing that is if I get lost and I finally realize that I am lost and if I get out alive from wherever I am. I could have said that I would "upload the pics using my smartphone" but hey we are in India, we are lucky if we had cell reception in such areas ( and I would have used GPS to get out.... 2G spectrum allocation...oh BITE ME!!!)
If any of you feel sympathy towards my poverty and decide to sponsor a trip for me, please feel free to do so, I m not all egoistic in such situations (when I say sponsor, I mean money and nothing else, you perverts)
Rupees are preferable (dollars are appreciated)
*All amounts should be in thousands
ADIOS
Life surprises you with new things everyday, let me tell you the "true story" of how a group of 29 innocent young adults were surprised, though I can't say pleasantly. You may have surely heard about people who have this devilish look in their eyes, people whose eyes give a glimpse of a dark background, people whose body bears the scars of great wrongdoings. It is quite easy to identify these people amongst the commoners but what if a guy existed who didn't possess any of the distinguishable characteristics yet could wield such astonishing power that God himself could not shield himself from his wrath.
He lives. He lives amongst us, the common men, his eyes constantly searching for new targets for destruction. Adopting a disguise he has managed to gather a place in this world where he thought no one would recognize him until a few students unwittingly put the jigsaw puzzle together.
Although he had godly knowledge, he strived to see the world through a man's eyes and for that he chose a nation which has been constantly plagued by blind faith and superstition, India. He chose to be born at a small town called Indore on March 28 (the year is unknown) . He made sure the world would remember his birthday every damn year. An earthquake measuring 7.2 on the Richter scale in Turkey killed over a 1000 people and injured another 20000. It is known to very few people that this massacre was done many years after his birth. Initially he chose to begin with a few murders just to try out his skill. The rush that he got out of these killings and the fact that he never got noticed increased his confidence and courage to try out bigger disasters. One thing he made sure was that he never killed using his own hand and always disguised them as natural disasters which was found out much later by his "friends"
He chose to stay young, growing old was not his idea of a good living. His age fluctuated between 20 and 25. He didn't have any friends or if he had, they weren't alive nay more.His photograph was taken only once before the camera became useless. If I put up his photograph you may find him both in yours as well as your parent's yearbook. This photograph was taken by his final set of classmates and they were sworn to secrecy not to reveal it as disclosing his identity would mean instant suffering, so it wont be provided here. However there is one other way to identify him. He usually plans his "work" in the summer months and the unbelievable adrenaline rush in the hot atmosphere causes terrible rashes and boils on his body, even on his face, though he is making use of the advancement in medical science in the field of dermatology to his own advantage and he is managing to camouflage his skin or atleast his face.
One fine morning in the year 2007, 29 unsuspecting folks were chosen to join a particular professional college, what they didn't know was that "the Davil" would be the 30th one. Actually it was the Davil who didn't know that these would be the people who would find out his true powers. 30 people, a small class, more interaction and this precisely led to the great friendship among atleast 15-20 of them. The interesting thing was even the davil couldn't resist the genuine love that he received from them. When there are people, there is talking and when there is talking there are accents and this precisely led to the downfall of this small class.
The Davil unknown to himself had a funny accent which led to people teasing him. He warned them no to do it as he didn't like it. But who listens, the teasing continued, his irritation reached peak levels, he decided it was time to take action. Something wasn't right, he wasn't able to kill these people, it was somehow as if his deep inside the level of bonding was so strong that his heart was overpowering his brain. Nonetheless he decided they would be punished no matter what. His revenge was simple, to make the others fail in whatever they do and he made sure he was included in everything so that he could give it a personal touch. Little did he realize that this action of his would backfire on himself.
The failures kept coming on an on, one of them jokingly mentioned that someone of them had such a bad luck that it was affecting the entire group (not knowing he was close to the truth) One thing the Davil didn't anticipate was that the others won in some events which he didn't participate in. This strengthened the belief of the people that there is some factor which is pulling them behind. When all the statistics were compared, it clearly pointed out to him. Never in his wildest nightmares did he imagine that his true identity would be discovered by a few brats. He decided to laugh along and play out his role, not giving any indications about his true form but the others had already sensed that he was hiding something, that maybe he was some sort of a devil. The thing that proved this fact was his name, it was an anagram and his unusual dialogue
"HUME SAB PATA HAIN"
Look at the title, you may just reveal his true identity.
The others hadn't found a way to suppress is power and so had to beg to him to stay alive, he agreed on one condition, the guys would never get a girlfriend. This jinx was only broken by one person (he was later found out to be God, that is a whole different story) and one more person (because the Davil thought this guy was gay and was exempted). Efforts are still being made to destroy the Davil and to end his jinx but they are all in vain. The prayers continue but so does
HIS WRATH !!!!!
 Some of us may be arrogant about our knowledge about the world and the stuff that happens in it, but how many of us have tried to impart that knowledge to others, especially children. Teachers, yes, its their profession but mostly its restricted to knowledge from text-books ( except for some proactive teachers who take time to impart useful knowledge, my salute to them). The important fact here is that even the content in text books in censored so that the kid doesn't get exposed to "inappropriate" content. What I am saying is a major part of knowledge gaining process for kids comes from parents, television and peers.Information provided in television and by peers may or may not be understood by the child and their ultimate source of explanation is "parents".
The recent spurt in the number of rape cases caught the attention of the whole country, even kids for that matter. Well of course they wouldn't understand what is rape, I am talking about the age where we are not aware of masturbation. Coz lets face it, if you know masturbation, you will know rape. An innocent child decided to clear his doubts.
Child: "mummy what is the meaning of rape?"
Mom: "(Gulp) What the hell? where did u learn this word?"
Child: "Arre, I saw in the news that a girl got raped, even an uncle was talking in the lift"
Mom: "(Sweating) ok ok, ahem.....rape...uh...yes...when a person gets beaten and troubled a lot, so much that they have to go to hospital to get treated....(thinking)...umm..yes that's it"
Child: "ok mummy"
Mom: " (thinking to herself) the most difficult task ever
3 days later, the dad and son are watching the news, a man is shown wailing like crazy. Mom suddenly enters the room and looking at the wailing man asks why the man is crying. What happens next shocks her......
Child: "Mummy I think the man was raped"
.......................................................................................................
So I believe the teachers need to get such words in their vocabulary, so that they may educate the youngsters before they blurt out the wrong thing at the wrong time or the parents should just keep quiet. Kids are smart, give them 2 more years, they just might explain it better back to you. Look at you, you learnt it right, on your own or through internet which actually led you to your first adult website.
 I have read and heard about the love between a mother and her child, I have had my fair share of this love from my mother too, but it happens that you always need a different man's perspective to understand the reality of the situation. An overnight train journey and a family on the neighbouring seat gave me the perspective I needed.
A young guy bout 25 years old, with his mother, who looked terribly ill despite her being not that old, along with them was his grandmother who was fragile considering her age but was active.
The mother was having trouble even getting up from the seat and was continuously coughing and had a lot of trouble sleeping in the night. The son was the epitome of strength of the family, he juggled 6 travel bags while helping the 2 women climb into the train and getting them all settled and comfortable. They had some problem with their reservations and had only 2 tickets, the two ladies slept in those seats while the guy sat beside his mom the whole night, helping her to the bathroom almost 6-7 times during the night. Giving her water when she would get tired of the coughing. The grandmom too was no less proactive, she would constantly get up and check on her daughter, adjusting her blankets so that she would b comfortable.
The moment where reality hit me was the next day morning when the mom started coughing real bad. No amount of medicines and water was able to stop the coughing. I could literaly feel the mom's agony in each cough. The pain hit peak level and she was on the verge of vomiting. Now the thing is it would take a while to take her from the seat to the bathroom for her to vomit, but she couldn't stand it that long and was about to blow right then and there. It is exactly at this moment that I realized what a mother goes through while nursing a sick child, the mom vomited, the son reacted instinctively and held her entire vomit on his own hand without letting it down on the floor and making a mess of it. He won a hell lot of respect from me that day.
I didn't know what to feel for the family, I mean I could feel bad for the mom because of her condition. On the other hand I could feel relieved that she had a mom and a son who would do anything possible to keep her happy n comfortable. The son made me realize how less I do for my parents and how much they do for me. As I said, I feel bad I needed someone else's experience to realize it.
 I don't think anyone other than a Mumbaikar can understand my sentiments in this post, or those who have visited Mumbai and stayed here for sometime. Autorickshaws have been an integral part of suburban Mumbai. After trains and buses, the most number of vehicles on the road are rickshaws and man do they know how to drive. They can squeeze in through the most unimaginable of spaces and come unscathed. I myself cringe in the auto thinking that I might hit the neighbouring vehicle if I sit with legs a bit wide. The drivers are the real stars, they can manoeuvre an auto with such expertise that you might find yourself astounded at their skill sometimes. I remember once thanking god after getting out of an auto where the driver almost overtook a mercedes and a jaguar and made them look bad. But then there is always a bad side to everything. No matter how matter we praise the drivers we end up abusing more. Why?
Well you see in reality these drivers are required to take you where you ask them and cannot refuse a fare but NO!!! they are their own masters (obviously they are not slaves) almost 50% of the time you wont find an auto who would take you to your destination and simply because either its too close or its an empty lane and there is no chance of getting traffic (which obviously increases the fare) or you are a single guy.
If you are a girl or you either have a girl along with you, congrats you just got into an auto, you don't even have to ask, "Jaayega??"
This is precisely because they have to put their rear view mirror to some use and its biggest use is to view some "action/scene in the backseat" as they put it. There have been instances where I had to ask my girl buddies to stop an auto for us guys to get it and boy do we get to see the disappointment on the driver's face when he realizes he just got punk'd.
One more thing I realized is every commuter always feels that the meter in his auto is going a bit fast than it should have and for that reason he'll need to pay a higher fare. Guys, I tell you there is no point arguing......unless a girl does the arguing for you and voila you just saved atleast 5 bucks and however small it may be, its a VICTORY !!!! (we do take pleasure in small things......and WE LOVE IT)
One of my friend is particularly in "love" with the rickshaw drivers. As a person showers his/her love on his/her lover, he too showers something on the drivers, only difference, its abuses ( you know the usual, mc, bc , chu, mkc{which he is particularly good at giving, it hurts u know} love-day, kaan me daal, kaan maraa etc etc) I swear I have learnt a few new and good ones from him. He is like a God in that dept.
Be it college to the railway station or vice versa we would always find him hurling his "love" at the drivers they would refuse his fare and he would be stranded alone. Its a love story gone awfully wrong. More on that some other time.
In the end I would say that even though its a love/hate game between the commuters and the drivers, we absolutely require them in our daily life (because we understand their importance only when they go on a strike and we have wait for the stupid bus, which is never on time)
Its the internet age and everyone wants to be a part of it. Its all twitter, facebook and blogging. As you say "When in Rome, do as Romans do" I too wanted to be a part of this crazy world and started to think about options as to what I can do to put my footprint on this digital world. The options were
1. Create a video and put it on youtube
I imagined that video would go viral and I would get some stardom, but to my surprise people liked a fat-ass Korean man who raps something that no one understood (even I liked him) but its just not fair. Well I put an end to that option.
2. Tweet
Fuck that nobody cares about my tweets unless I am a girl and I post naked pictures of myself.
3. Write a Blog
My dream was to write stuff that compares with Shakespeare and some other guys but after reading what I wrote, I think my neighbour's dog comes up with better stuff and that too out of his wrong end.
So the search is still on(and no, doing pornography is not included in that list)
 Since the last few days I am being constantly irritated by this pigeon couple who want make a nest in my balcony. I have tried to throw a lot of stuff at them but they are just too adamant. My mom told me its probably because its time for the pigeon to lay an egg and so its looking for a suitable place. I think by my antics towards it should've found another place, but no, it is too damn stubborn. I heard that when I wasn't at home, it laid an egg on a shelf I kept in my balcony, no nest nothing, there it was, an egg on top of a plain surface. I guess it was like the pigeon couldn't hold it in any longer, it had to go......oh oh...plink !!! DONE.
My friend once told me about a similar experience but with way different results. A pigeon laid an egg near his house and it used to sit on it the whole day because well my friend is a believer in ahimsa (read Gandhi). But then he did something hilarious, once while the pigeon was away he replaced its egg with a chicken egg and the pigeon came and sat on it as usual. Yeah, it didn't give a fuck. He went a step further, the next time he put a white ping pong ball.
Oh Yeah its still didn't give a fuck.....hilarious.
 Indians are very particular about this topic, oh yes!! to a great extent. We are not ashamed to talk about it, not even in public. In fact I've heard instances where people actually brag about their morning dump. Particularly the design and the size make up for most of the conversation. Also life provides us with enough instances and opportunities of shitting in very unusual places and thus providing me with more "shitty" writing material. A train, for example is a very good place for an interesting shit story. I'll tell you about something I myself experienced.
You must've surely felt "the morning pressure" several times in your life and believe me an Indian railway train with an Indian Style loo is not the place to be, at that time. Its an excruciating task to get a firm position with train violently shaking most of the time. You are lucky if you can find a handle to hold to or else you'll be pretty much stretching out your hands against the walls for support and at the same time trying not to shake so much that the shit might actually land on your feet. When you are finally done and you get up to rejoice your accomplishment you'll probably find that no one else from hereon would be able to accomplish anything in there. But if you come out unscathed you will feel like a warrior coming home from war. I am not at liberty to discuss what was my end result due to graphic nature of the situation.
I should tell you I am very impressed with the Mumbai Police for their proactive work at this year end. Today I saw a 2 cops catch a few guys popping a few drinks near 5 gardens at 8 in the evening. They were so swift in their action, one moment I see them riding around in a bike and the next moment chasing after the guys on foot waving their trademark sticks. A quick chat with the boozers and their beer bottles whisked away, they were let off as a sign of goodwill with a fine ofcourse.
Then as usual they moved onto the "deep-in-love" couples and their PDA, Oh yes!!! a lot of it
But all in all a job well done.....
and yeah,
HAPPY NEW YEAR FOLKS !!!!!
Hey there my dearest sexless foetus turned live darling kid, I am so happy that you finally gave me the opportunity to call myself a grandfather, of course that means I am old now because of you. Also I am unsure whether you are God's blessing or just your parents mistake. You don't know how an easy girl/guy, a few drinks and a cheap condom can change your life.
I know you will be your grandmother's darling, I'll tell her about you the moment I meet her(for the first time). You'll get to be my darling the day I get a cheque of more than a million bucks from you or you buy me a car something like that. By the way if you are a guy I can give you an excellent sex talk, I think my future wife gave this advice to your mom/dad (whoever is mine.......only one of them is, don't get too many ideas you dumbass) which resulted in your birth and I am praying that your parent (my child) took it seriously and you aren't born in any circumstance I don't like because frankly I'll have a tough time trusting my kid.
By the way whatever you're told about me, you should know I was a rockstar in my time. Oh yes my music and songs were quite popular( in my bathroom)and also if you want love advice I am the man you should you should come to, I have been with a lot of girls (its just that they wouldn't let me do anything more than sit near them, they don't know what they've missed) I think your grandmother was the only one who realized and well the rest is history.
I came upon this site which grants you access to a varied range of sounds, some which you may never have thought about. It includes categories such as animals, birds, household, insects, nature, people etc.
It allows you to get tunes for your android phone too. Cool. Try it Out.
You can find it here www.findsounds.comAlso if you are a fan of television and the theme songs of various tv shows you should check out www.televisiontunes.com
 No, I am not talking about the song from "A night at the roxbury", I am talking about the real thing called love. Being an engineer I believe in definitions (that's a lie) so can anyone define love. Some of the definitions I got are as follows:
1. One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love. ( that is not love dumbass, that is DEATH)
2. Love is like war: Easy to begin but hard to end. ( pooh!! that is SLEEP, believe me I know)
3. In the final analysis, love is the only reflection of man's worth. ( oh God,why did I do engineering then?)
4. Love is what makes the world go round. ( so Galileo was wrong, no wonder the church burnt him, liar )
5. Love is that feeling you get when you meet 'Mr/Miss Right'. ( is that even a surname?? )
6. When love is not madness, it is not love. (Its time we release the people in the mental asylums)
So, the above mentioned definitions don't provide a clear picture about love. All my friends who are in love,perhaps you would have a better way of expressing it, I won't judge you( that's a lie again, Man!!! I m good at this)
One person said he is anti-love and he said," I am anti-love because there are COOLER WAYS TO CRY" ....
In the end, I m still at the same place where I began. Difficult question.
"Ekdum difficult question hain be.....saala engg jaisa hi hain....ghussne ko dil tarasta, ghussa toh dil tadapta hain aur jab kahatam hua toh fir gum aur khushi ka mixture"
 Kids, I tell u, they are like the small birds who are just waiting to be free from the nest. I tell you with much experience (I am 22) yes, much experience that kids who have had a strict upbringing tend to break out loose the moment they get into college.
I have found that such kids would be the first to get into a relationship, to smoke pot etc etc... unlike kids whose parents are not that stuck up about their kids growing old and learning more about adulthood ( Oh you know the usual, porn, relationships, addictions, the sex talk blah blah...)
The restrictions on these things makes it hard for the kids to know and understand when their peers discuss these topics and it leads to them looking out for other sources for information.
Some of the sources include - Internet
- Peers
- The friendly neighbourhood Spiderman
- Or Batman depending on the city
 Planning to repaint your house or paint a new one, well I have faced a particularly serious problem when it comes to the shades. Its one thing to choose a colour from the palette provided to you by the painter and quite different to actually see it painted on your wall. Most of the times you find that there is quite a bit of difference in the two and you end up a tad bit disappointed (or
atleast your wife/mother does). Its a different story if you have just too much money that you can afford to repaint. So here is a free solution to atleast 80% of your problem.
How would you feel if you could visualize your house with the colours of your choice on its walls. Yeah I know you'll be happy (you cheap bastards) So try out www.colorjive.com
1.Take a pic of your house/room
2. Upload it to this website
3. Try out different colours on your walls
4. Satisfaction ( for more satisfaction try masturbation or sex)
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